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Looks like The Onion was nice enough to give us some pointers for shoveling snow.

Snow Shoveling Tips | The Onion - America's Finest News Source



In the midst of heavy winter blizzards, digging yourself out of the drifts can be both an inconvenient chore and a dangerous task linked to fatigue and heart attacks. Here are some safety tips to keep in mind while shoveling snow:

*Before heading outside to shovel, do your best to reverse the 40 years of poor health choices that have put you at high risk for getting a heart attack.

*Taking a few minutes to stretch before shoveling is a great way to unnecessarily prolong an already unpleasant chore.

*Bending from the back can damage your spine; always damage your knees instead.

*Prevent snow from sticking to your shovel by coating both sides in a layer of butter.

*Throw the snow over whichever shoulder you’d like; no need for superstition.

*Pace yourself and take a five-minute break for every 500,000 snowflakes you shovel.

*Be sure to wear a frostbite whistle at all times.

*Stay hydrated by shoveling every third load of snow directly into your mouth.

*As much as possible, try living in a condo building.

*If all else fails, pay a real man to do it for you.
 

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I have a deal with the kid down the street. if there is an inch or two he shovles if there are three inches or more I loan him a toro ss so he can go make himself some money
 

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I cannot believe how long I shoveled. If I could go back in time I would have purchased a blower about fifteen years earlier for the time savings if nothing else.
 

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When shoveling always find some kid in the neighborhood who will do it for less than the corrective surgery you'll need after you hurt yourself.
 

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I have a deal with the kid down the street. if there is an inch or two he shovles if there are three inches or more I loan him a toro ss so he can go make himself some money
This the same kid you once told to get off you lawn?
Oh wait. You still go to Henrys. Not retired. Sorry, wrong guy.
 

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This the same kid you once told to get off you lawn?
Oh wait. You still go to Henrys. Not retired. Sorry, wrong guy.
same kid that cut my lawn all summer when I was suffering through hey fever
 

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Now there's some sound shoveling advise for sure!

Or, you can always wait for the Spring sisters to take care of your snow.

You know them...April, May and June.:D
 

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The most helpful tip is to wave a $10 bill at the kid walking by your house with a shovel over his shoulder.
 

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TRY a GRANT 4 That 1.
if i pay for someone to shovel its usually $30 or more cause i have them shovel at nancy's, she is my neighbor that lets me store my goldwings in her garage for hibernation season
 

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if i pay for someone to shovel its usually $30 or more cause i have them shovel at nancy's, she is my neighbor that lets me store my goldwings in her garage for hibernation season
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH Well it is -7 degrees here and I am not shoveling or anything else that is for sure. my TUCUS is parked in the LAZY-BOY. and that is where it is staying.
 

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When shoveling always find some kid in the neighborhood who will do it for less than the corrective surgery you'll need after you hurt yourself.
Words of wisdom here - very well said. :D
 
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